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That Kind of Mom

I’ll be the first to admit I’m not the world’s best mom. A lot of nights I lay in bed thinking over the past day’s activities and what I could have done differently. I try my best, but I know I fall short every single day. I’ve come to realize that I need to look at the big picture of life. Are my girls safe, healthy, fed and loved? If the answer is yes, then I know I did a decent job of mothering my girls that day. Thankfully I’ll have another chance to start over with the little stuff the next day. And no matter how much I think I fail, somehow my little girls always seek out snuggles, kisses and hugs from me even after an off day.

That is what matters to me. And that is when I know I succeeded. 

I often think about what kind of mom I am not. What I could be doing better that I don’t. So, instead I was thinking,what kind of mom am I?

I’m the kind of mom that enjoys every moment my children are at home. Tears fill my eyes just thinking about sending them off on their first day of school. I secretly want to homeschool them for the selfish fact that I won’t be separated from them so many hours each week.

I’m the kind of mom that would give up fancy cars and downgrade our house if that’s what it takes to afford to send our girls to private schools, just Adam and I were blessed with.

I’m the kind of mom that cried after leaving our girls for the first time overnight. Even though they slept most of the time we were gone, I still felt like a horrible mom.

I’m the kind of mom who internally freaks out when both Adam and I are away from our daughters, afraid something will happen to both of us, leaving our girls parentless. I am trying hard to work through this fear, and have prayed about it, but it’s a fear I am not able to easily let go of.

I’m the kind of mom who tries hard to give our daughters healthy food, but doesn’t mind if Brooklyn gets a special ice cream cone or snack every once in a while.

I’m the kind of mom who I won’t succumb to the pressure of sending my kids to daycare or preschool earlier than needed. I strongly believe that children need their parents in their lives as much as possible (especially when one parent is deployed so much). I love teaching our girls at home, watching them learn, and spending time with them… that is something I would never get if I sent them off to daycare/preschool during the day.

I’m the kind of mom who will get up 10 times during the night with my child instead of trying the cry-it-out method. I’m not capable of hearing my child cry, knowing that I can do something about it. I just can’t do it.

The wonderful thing about parenting is that we can be given second chances when we have a bad day or two (or three). Thankfully, my girls (and husband) have been very forgiving of me!

I’m not writing this to be judged or to judge others about how you parent. Each person and family have their own ways to go about raising children. 

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